i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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