Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
