Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
