there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize