I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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