a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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