i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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