Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
