Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
