why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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