You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
