Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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