Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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