Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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