So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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