Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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