im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
