I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
