someone get that fucking seahorse.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize