She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize