my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
