This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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