dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
