you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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