So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
