Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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