It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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