Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize