did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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