We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
