I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
