So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
