my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
