Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
