I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
