I am spending my child support on dildos
operation harelip BJ is a go
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
