he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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