You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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