I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my poor anus
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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