You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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