I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We are two peas in an std pod
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
