Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's always time for handjobs
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
