Non-Jews are for practice
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
