I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
