Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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