This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
