I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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