Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
