My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
