You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
