my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
