she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
