i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
