But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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