16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
