She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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