I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
