i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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