I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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