I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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