Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
