Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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